We would feel sorry for them, but then we see their fucking toys, which pretty much makes the stuff we played with look like bullshit.
The Concept:
Back in the 80s, toymaker Hasbro was forced to answer the difficult question, "How does one harvest a profit from young boys' innate need to blow each other away with firearms, whilst keeping lawsuits to a minimum?" The answer was NERF: harmless foam ball-shooting, air-powered toys.
Then:
The first NERF shooter, uninspiringly named "Blast-A-Ball," required raw elbow grease to fire balls at other children. The harder the pump, the farther the ball flew. The execution was simple, yet painful, which appealed to the kids. Its total lack of resemblance to a real gun kept moms relatively happy as well.
Now:
Ladies and gentleman, meet the NERF Vulcan EBF-25. Presumably the fucking nightmare of mothers everywhere, this battery-operated (SIX D-cells!), belt-fed, fully automatic monstrosity can rain down a shitstorm of NERF darts for as long as the 25 or 50 round belts will last.
A far cry from the Blast-A-Ball indeed. No toy in history has better allowed young boys to greet the arrival of their little sister home from school with a reenactment of the Normandy beach landing. The only downside is the limited range. If only you had some kind of...
Oh, yeah. NERF made a sniper rifle. The victims will never even hear the shot that NERFed them. Share
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